Calling on Angels or Aliens?
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

(deep sigh) Its going on 5 nights now that I can't seem to get any sleep. My days are like zombie sessions guzzling energy drinks and trying to appear with it.

Today was very busy and I was very much exhausted and emotional.  That's an odd side effect of lack of sleep. At the end of my shift, as I closed the office alone I had a shout out with myself, or rather by myself to my "guides".  I asked them why I felt so alone and so lost.   I asked them to give me some sign, some proverbial pat on the back or reassurance that everything was going according to plan.  I asked for some company, tired of feeling alone and tired of wearing masks. 

After my hissy-fit I had a clear re-collection.  Years ago (7 now) I went on a vision quest in Colorado and part of it included a between-lives regression session. I have it all on tape.  When I listened to it years later one part stood out.

Prior to this life, as I was reveiwing the life I would be born into I made a choice to change things. My life plan originally was supposed to involve more community with those of my soul group, so that  I would have the support I needed to allow my gifts to flow freely and be able to heal and help others.

However, since I have had that role in so many prior lives, that of healer and helper,  I chose something different.  This choice was due to my interaction with an alien being or a star-seed while in the hall of records. He had not incarnated or Earth more than once or twice and found the whole experience too emotional and chaotic, prefering to live in the loftier more cerebral planets instead.

I on the other hand am a seasoned veteran of this earth plane, way too familiar with the emotional turmoil, but not so with the detached intellectual plane he was used to. I thought that if I was allowed to interact with those like him, I could grow and I could also help them balance out their emotional sides. 

My guide didn't think this was in my best interest, he said it would be too challenging and not the easiest path to take because it would slow down if not thwart my ability to develop my gifts. He and other council members also reminded me that I had attempted this before and always "aborted the mission" because I could never bond with them, I always felt they lacked a heart and found no reason to stick through it. 

They discussed it for quite a while, asked me to reconsider.  I was determined and finally they came to a decision.  They granted me what I asked for but decided that in order to assure that this time I wouldn't leave so easily, they would change something.  In order to help me bond to these alien beings, they would make sure that there would be a very strong sexual or sensual draw, one that I could not easily walk away from.  This they did to help me fulfill my desire to learn from them and to teach them. 

What happened after that I don't remember....But there it was, that long forgotten or misplaced memory now seemed so fitting.

I chose this. Complicated, frustrating, passionate relationships full of challenges and opportunity for growth.  I chose this, to be separated from my kindred spirits and among the gray aliens, to feel alone and wonder when things would start making sense, when my life and mission would finally begin. 

What if this is it?? What if this isn't me straying from my path but rather following my path, the one I chose?  Crazy.  I know it sounds crazy. 

I'm calling on my angels, my guides to help me find my way home.